Lilian Rosemary Stanley

So I hardly post on my blog, I need to get better at that, but really my life is pretty boring. I get to hangout with my favorite boy all day which is fun for me, but hardly anyone wants to read that. Well we just had a huge life changing event happen last month. Lily was born! We are so happy to have her, it just wonderful. So here is her birth story, read at your own risk.

My due date was September 9th, but I had an induction date of September 2nd. I was hanging out with my parents on the 29th when I started having pretty bad contractions but they would go away. I had them all day but not regularly. I went to bed early & knew if I couldn't fall asleep I was in real labor, but I fell asleep. I work up at two with bad contractions, I timed them but they were still far apart. At around four they were so bad I went upstairs to wake up Tyler (my parents stayed with us for a few days so I slept on the downstairs couch & Tyler was upstairs) we timed them together & around 5 we decided it was time to go to the hospital. My parents stayed with Kaden & we went to the hospital. I went into triage got hooked up & sure enough I was in labor. After an hour I was taken to my room & right away the anesthesiologist was there ready for my epidural. Then we played the waiting game. I got some sleep & my sisters came we had the whole family there. I just remember hearing a lot of laughing.

My blood pressure started to drop so they gave me some medicine. That didn't help much so they put me on oxygen which helped a lot. I wasn't progressing as fast as they wanted me to so they started me pitocin which I didn't really need because after a bit I was ready to push. We did some practice pushing, then my water broke. My nurse called the dr & after 20 minutes he came & we were ready! I pushed through two contractions & then I had my baby girl! They laid her on me for a few seconds then took her to examine her. She swallowed some meconium & they wanted to make sure she didn't aspirate on it. I was crying for some reason just wanting to hold her. After what felt like an eternity I finally got to hold her. It was the best feeling in the world. We spent some alone time, then we had more visitors. My family came with Kaden & got to meet her. Kaden did not like his new sister very much.

Its been a challenge having two young children, but so rewarding. I am so grateful for all the help we have had through our family, friends & our ward. My parents stayed in town for almost four weeks, time fly by! Its been great having my sisters & parents in law so close & all the help we have had.  Kaden has now warmed up to his sister. He loves her! He is such a big helper, he gets her diapers & binky, throws her diapers away & gives her kisses. He does get a bit jealous sometimes & likes to throw things at her but its a working progress.

Lily is great, she sleeps about three hours at a time, except for nights, she likes to be a stinker & wake up every hour & a half to two hours. Its okay though cause she is cute. She is a lot easier than Kaden was but Kaden was colicky. She loves to sleep on us & sneezes with a sigh.  I can't believe she will be a month old in five days. Time goes by so fast, I wanted it to slow down.

We blessed her on September 13th, it was great to have the whole family there. She is very loved & has so many people who care about her.

Kaden 1 1/2

I can't believe my little boy is a year & a half today. Time flies. && now we are getting ready for Kaden's sister to arrive in early September. Kaden is just a ball of energy & fun. Here are some fun facts about Kaden. 

Favorite drink: Milk

Favorite food: Captain crunch & animal crackers. 

Favorite tv show: Curious George. 

Words: Hi, bye, thank you, ball, mom, dad, bubba (bottle) & his favorite word no. 

Sleep patterns: He sleeps from 7:30 pm until about 6:30 am. Then takes two naps during the day. 

Favorite activity: walking around the house doing what mama & dadda are doing. 

Teeth: 12, four on the top four at the bottom & one molar top & bottom of each side. 

Favorite toy: Dinosaurs & cars.

I could talk about him for days but he is just so great, smart, funny & happy. He loves seeing his grandparents & other family. He loves Caesar our dog but isn't to found of other children. He loves being in the pool & loves to give hugs & blows kisses. I can't wait to see the man he will turn out to be. 

Kaden's Surgery

I don't write a lot in my blog because my days are pretty much the same. I get to raise & care for the most beautiful boy I have ever seen. We go to the park, we play in the pool, he plays in his room, the play room at his Aunt's house & his grandparent's house. Most people don't want to read the same thing you do every day. So I try not to write unless its important. I do however take many photos throughout the day to treasure each moment I have with my son. They really do grow up fast. Last night I was looking through his first year of life & I was so happy but sad at the same time. It feels like that time was forever ago. He is so independent now I forgot what it was like to have a tiny baby. I miss those times but I am also excited for the times that are coming. Its amazing to watch him grow everyday.

Last Wednesday my sweet boy had his first surgery, very minor, but a surgery nonetheless. He got ear tubes in his ears. By the time we had to make the decision to put them in or not it was a pretty easy decision. Kaden by this point had about seven ear infections in the first year of his life. He also (which is probably unrelated) had pink eye & a staff infection. We also found out in January that he was allergic to milk, eggs & dog fur. We were pretty discouraged because it felt like their was never a time he wasn't sick. As a parent, you hate to see your children suffer, and he was no exception. My heart ached every time he cried, pulled on his ear, scratched, coughed or threw up. 

After four long months of waiting we finally got our insurance to cover his surgery, we made the appointment & it was set into motion. We were pretty nervous but once we learned it was literally five minutes and that the anesthesia was done by mask we felt better. We woke up bright & early the day of. Kaden was so upset he couldn't get his morning bottle. That was the biggest issue we had. We drove to the clinic, checked in, then went to the back. We got all our questions answered, met all the staff then waited. Again Kaden just wanted to eat. I did enjoy all the cuddling he offered & did not want to be in anyone else's arms but mine. 

It came time to give him to the nurse, this was the part I was dreading. I was getting ready for the screaming & the shouting that came next. We gave his kisses before so they could just come & take him. I gave him to the nurse & prepared myself. All I heard was the nursing talking to him & he was looking right at the nurse with no tears in sight! I was so happy, they did a good job at distracting him. We made our way over to recovery, by the time I sat down, got comfy, & texted family they came & told me he was done. We had to wait until he was waking up to see him. Another five minutes later the nurse walked though with my little boy. He got comfy in my arms & took his bottle with his eyes closed. He was happy to eat, that was about it. After he finished he got up looked at me & his dad & smiled, like what's up guys? We were able to take him home a few minutes later.

We strapped him in the car & were on our way. He never cried, he was very tired though, I could see him yawning every minute. He took a very long nap after wards then was good as new. You would have never guessed this kid just went through surgery. 

Now it has been a little over a week since his surgery & boy can we see an improvement. His walking is a little better, he can now repeat most of what we say back to us. We were watching super why one day & the princess said T, T, T, I hear Kaden say T & I just about lost it. He only says Da & Ba, some times Ma. It was so nice to know that the surgery was worth it & that he can hear. I am so grateful he is okay & can hear now. Thank you for all the love & support sent our way.

I Won't Let Him Bring Me Down

I'm One of my childhood friends launched a new campaign called #dontwastehappy. She has a link on her website where you can download a sign, fill in what you won't let bring you down, hashtag it & upload it on Facebook & Instagram. I love the idea, especially since I have had this thought on my mind for a while. This is the first time I have opened up about this subject. Even some of my closest friends don't know this about me. Its time to let this go, open up & move on.

It took me 21 years to find our the truth about you. Half of that time I spent my efforts on the wrong person. You have defined who I am for too long, that of course was my fault, I didn't know any better. Too long have I let you control my thoughts, my actions, made me doubt who I am, or why I am here. You have made me feel worthless, unloved & undeserving of love. It has taken me 23 years to stand here today & say you no longer have any control over me.

24 years ago you & your friends decided to take my birth mom's choice away, after Christmas, on her way back home from a vacation. It's something you think only happens in movies, that it could never happen to you or someone you know. As if what you did to her wasn't enough, she later found out the nightmare wasn't over. Part of you was growing in her, soon to arrive in nine short months. Yes I feel guilty being mad at her, blaming her that she didn't want or love me. It took me a long time to realize that I couldn't be more wrong. It could have been so easy for her to hate you, to hate what you did to her & to abort her new growing baby. She wanted the best for me as it took a while for me to understand, she wanted me to grow up religious, with a great family, & I hope she knows that is exactly what happened to me.

I imagine her looking at my parents file. With their picture in it & their wonderful heart warming story. She didn't know how happy she would make this couple, who had been waiting almost 15 years for a child. Child after child was offered but not my mother's dream baby girl. They had heart break after heart break until one day my mom would have her dream come true. Two months before she was ready to give up for good. No one except someone who has gone through it can imagine how hard it is to give up a child. They do it out of love, I thought she did it because she hated you & me. Because she was ashamed of me, I would just be a reoccurring thought of what you did to her, that her worst nightmare still wasn't over. Now I understand it was done out of pure love.

When I was 21 I wanted to finally know more about her, so I went to the adoption agency & what did I find, a page full of nothing. All the progress I made over the years went out the window as I spent many sleepless nights thinking why she didn't want to know me. I blamed you again, hating you for what you did to her. You made her hate me. It took my loving husband to bring me back & remind me thats not true. We might never know why she doesn't want to know me or if she even had a chance to know me. But that is not what is important. What is important is she made the ultimate sacrifice. She gave me to a couple who really wanted me. Who prayed, who cried, who got angry because they couldn't have their own child. She made their dreams come true & if they are happy, I'm happy.

Now I stand here, 23 years later. I look at my husband & think how did I end up with such an amazing man. I don't feel worthy of him sometimes. He gave me my beautiful son who is my entire world. I look at him & can't imagine having to give him up I love him so much. I now know it was not easy for my birth mom to do. I am so blessed to have my family, my son, my soon to be child. I have my wonderful parents who sacrificed so much for me. They are the ones who love me too, they turned me into the women I am today. I would not be where I am today if it wasn't for them. They raised me with good morals, goals & have taught me everything they know so I can carry it with my family. You may have contributed to my birth, but you have nothing to do with who I am.

So I guess I'm here to say thank you. If it wasn't for you I wouldn't be here. You may not know I exisit. You will never know the women I turned out to be. You will never know the sacfice my birth mom made. I am done hating you. I am done having you define who I am, I define myself now. I am who I want to be. I am proud of my life, my goals, my accomplishments & I am proud to stand up & say as of today, I won't let you bring me down.

Baby #2

This post will be a short one. Or at least I always say that then it turn out like a mini novel. As many of you know we are expecting baby #2! We found out the day after New Years. I was in California with Kaden & I took a test it turned out positive. I was so happy I sent Tyler a photo that said "World's best big brother" He said it was cute but he didn't get it. Then I sent him the photo of the test & he texted back ecstatic. He called me & I told him we were having a baby.

We would like this to be our last child. Of course I say that now & years down the road I could change my mind, but for my sanctity now I say I am done. Children are hard work, I have no idea how people have 6 or 7. Now some people wonder why have them so close together. Tyler is very close with his brother who is about 2 years younger than him. The same with my sister & her kids. That doesn't mean they always get a long but I asked Tyler & he said he loved having siblings so close. They always have each others back. Now yes it will be hard I know that, I was ready to only have Kaden but I wanted him not to be alone. I am an only child & while it has some perks, I was always alone. I didn't have many kids my age to play with. I always said I would have more than one child because I didn't want them to be alone. Kids need other kids to play with, no matter how fun their parents are. 

We felt it was right to have our second child now so they would be a year & nine months apart. Also Kaden loves being an only child & being spoiled so it will be a shock when he needs to share attention with his sibling. I believe very strongly it is a girl. This pregnancy is the polar opposite of Kaden. I get morning sickness, nausea, pregnancy nose & all the other symptoms that go with a typical pregnacy. I wish I would have had this all last pregnacy so I had time to relax, but their is no time to relax with a one year old! Anyways we are very excited & can't wait to meet our new baby in September.

Caesar

What to post next? I have no idea so much has been going on. First off lets make this quick because I hate talking about it. We had to rehome Merrik, he was being violent & attacking Kaden & us. It was getting really bad we were afraid he could really hurt Kaden one day, so we made a decision to find a new home for him. It was really hard on me & still is but I know it was for the best. He was adopted by a great family without kids. He is very happy now. I have horrible anxiety especially when Tyler leaves the house. So that is why we have a dog in the first place. I wanted a new dog but at the same time I missed Merrik so badly & wasn't sure if I was ready for a new dog, but I was having bad anxiety without Merrik. I was showing Tyler pictures of dogs to Tyler but he told me we wouldn't be getting one anytime soon. It broke my heart but I understood.

On the Wednesday before Valentine's day Tyler told me he had a meeting for work & I had to come too. We got ready & drove off. We got near the place & he said where is Kohl's, I joked saying it was in the store. Then I said oh is it with that couple & the dog (I only saw one). He said no, & parked right next to them. I was confused why he parked so far away from the store. He turns off the car gives me a kiss & says happy Valentine's day. I am still very confused. I get out of the car & then it hits me. I jump for joy & yell "Are you kidding?" I go to the car & their are three little mini schnauzers in the trunk. Turns out that Tyler had been texting one of the owners of the dogs I sent him a week ago & set this up a while ago. I told him if we were gonna get another dog I would want to pick him out. Sneaky Tyler also had Kevin & Rochele in on this since Tyler works with Kevin, so I called Rochele earlier that day & asked if she knew about the meeting. I picked the smallest of the three & the boy. He was just so snuggly & laid there I knew he was the one. We go to PetSmart get stuff for a new puppy & we were set. 

He had a hard time the first night but we slowly started understanding what he needed & wanted. Now he sleeps with us because I love how he sleeps on my feet. He loves to cuddle & lick. We finally named him Caesar. Caesar & Kaden get along great it makes me happy. Kaden sometimes cries because Caesar licks him too much. But they play together & Kaden has learned to be nice & gentle to the puppy. We love having him & he is so sweet. I still miss Merrik & think of him often but I know he is happy with his new family. 

2015

It has been almost a year since my last post! I guess time gets away from you when you have a little boy to take care of, so excuse me as I write post after post of what has been going on. Firsy off lets recap on this year. It has been such an exciting year with my baby Kaden, I can't believe how time flies. 

We did nothing exciting for New Years. I caught up on some sleep while tyler watched Kaden. Life with a newborn right mom's?

On January 5th, we blessed my beautiful baby boy

We celebrated Valentines day

We went to Arizona for my sister's wedding!

After the wedding Kaden & I went to California

We went to parks

Kaden tried solid food

We went to the Stadium of fire for the fourth of July 

Kaden sat up by himself

We moved to Arizona

Hung out with Rochele & her kids A LOT

My parents came to AZ for my birthday

Kaden went to his first carnival 

We celebrated our 2 year anniversary 

Kaden went to nursery 

Celebrated Halloween 

Went to California for Thanksgiving

Celebrated the three Stanley's birthdays

Celebrated Christmas

We have had such a wonderful year & we are so grateful for all our blessings we have received. Of course Kaden has been a big part of our year & we are so happy to have had such a jam packed year. Can't wait for this next year when he turns 2!